claudine

Date: November 2, 2010
“I’m kinda liking him the past few days you know, for all the right reason. He’s beyond amazing, he’s smart, he’s funny, he’s cute and to top it off, we get along so well. He’s such a good influence to me, like I actually do my homeworks cause at the end of the day he’d text me If I got notes on this class and of course I don’t wanna seem irresponsible. I have so much respect for him that I watch what I say, cause there was a time that he told me… “Claud, medyo foul na yan ha” And I wasn’t even talking about him. I don’t even cut class most esp the classes I have with him which is 5 out of 8. We hang out on all breaks and if my next class isn’t with him, we’d still go up together. And sometimes when I say I’ll follow, he’d still wait for me. That would not make me want to cut. There was a time in our morning class where he hugged me good morning, I moved away cause I told him I didn’t shower… cause I didn’t go home. He was like, “Nag 18 ka lang you’re not gonna go home na” He’s been there all along and I took things lightly, I didn’t think. As much as I don’t wanna regret it, I just wish it didn’t happen. “

I just miss this friend, a lot. And I forgot how close we are, I know we are but I was too mad it’s like I programmed myself to forget things and now I can’t even remember how it felt like. But yeah, now I slightly remember these after reading my post (above). There was one time I was sitting at the couch with my other friend, he’d squeeze himself to make the three of us fit. I remember not wanting to admit to myself or to anyone how jealous I became when he got close to my other girl friend. We were in one hotel room, I wasn’t jealous because of the girl, I was jealous because of how he acted around her in front of me. I don’t know, I guess I wasn’t use to seeing him making kulit to anyone else but me. He’s like my very first good friend in CSB. I know its been more than a year but I never really got over it. 

It was the 3 of us, him and my other guy friend whom I equally miss as well :( We all had the same classes and breaks so they were the ones I was always with. How I miss my very first term in CSB! 

11:46pm and it feels like way past 3am. 
I’m going through the boxes under my bed and found loads of diaries. I’ve always kept one. I started when I was in grade7 and my friend gave me a diary for exchange gift during our christmas party. I wrote about my crushes, petty fights, mostly about boys. Haha! And I really can’t imagine how I used to think then!! It’s funny.

Dec 25 ‘04
Tinext ko si _____ and asked kung kelan babalik si ______, sabi ba naman “I don’t know coz he’s not my friend!”

April 23 ‘05
Oh yeah! ____ will still be studying in southville this coming grade 8!! I hope he’ll be in regular class and be my classmate!!  

Jan 13 ‘05
Ano ba yan, Actually ayoko kay _____ pero bakit kaya ako nagkacrush dun? Ewan ko ba parang mahal ko na. 

Aug 19 ‘05
Ok, I’m so losing my mind! I don’t know what to do! I started dancing naman since I started going to school, and we always perform in the auditory. Pero now I feel like I’m the worst dancer here ever. I don’t know if kaya ko to tapos in 2 months na yan lahat! Kapagod!
Penshoppe Dance Slam, Skechers Street Dance Competition, 15 expressions of international, Talent Night and Parade of Nation 

Sept 10 ‘05
Broken friendship na talaga with ____, ayoko ng ganito kami ng bestfriend ko! I really want to be friends with her again pero it seems impossible, she has a new best friend and I think she’s happy with her. Well, I’m happy for her too. :(

Sept 26 ‘05
Katext ko si _____, and he told me: “It’s really unsual for a girl like you to text me, like you said, you barely know me. But for your kind of girl, it’s impossible to ignore” Ang sweet naman!! Kaso we beat their school sa semi finals! 1st place kami, they’re 2nd lang! Pero galing pa din nya sumayaw! Age doesn’t matter na to! 

Oct 1’05
Nangliligaw na sha, sabi ni _____ ang bilis mashado. It’s true naman. If he loves me (already) like he says he does, then he will wait for me. I’m not sure I want to have a boyfriend at my age. If ever maging kami, it will take a long time. I don’t want to get hurt and cry for a guy. Chickboy sya, he had a lot of girlfriend na. I don’t want to be crying all through out the relationship. Pero ngayon na nalaman ko na ang past nya with girls, nakakawalan ng gana..

Oct 25 ‘05
I’m a weak person and I can’t handle things. I have a Bf that I really like and admire, he’s a dancer, he’s in a band, he sings, plays the guitar and drums, he’s sweet funny and cute! but I hate it cause I can’t to talk to the other guys about anything. And now I’m becoming friends with _____, We just started texting, He’s in 9th grade and he told me “Mahal mo ba talaga yun?” “Bakit mo sha sinagot?” Dunno..

DI KO KERI YAN HA!! ANG OA KO, swear. And a lot more embarassing things I wrote down!!! Me in my grade 7 and 8 self: Drama Queen

“I tried not to cry, It would make me look more embarrassed just by standing in front of my mom thinking how exactly would I say my good bye, or see you soon. I still don’t get why I’m admitted to this place, I know I’m not the only one who’s going through the same shit. Asking me if I take something more serious and of course I’d answer and said to be in denial over this statement. Even the word recovery disgusts me. I try to contain my initial laughter thinking how it would be like when I leave this place and tell my friends about this. 

So this is my first diary entry, I’ve always loved writing (I don’t really have an extreme tendency of privacy) so I’ve decided to just jump on this. Nothing is too personal for me, too personal for me is something only about 3 people know. Something I have never talked about with anyone, this accounts to nothing.

But anyway, no words can explain how I feel atm.
This sucks, I might as well pretend like I’m gonna blend in here.  

Hi, Carms :)
I don’t know how to actually start this. Well you know how I am, perfectly fine then I get all emotional randomly, and right now I’m already thinking about you leaving. You’re the closest person to me and the only one who never lost faith in me. You and my achi (Bianx), the two people who will always believe in me. Who will always believe I can change no matter how shitty I get. Who never ran out of forgiveness. You’re the best best best friend I could ever have. The only person who will stick up for me no matter what I did wrong. That is why I can’t imagine how it would be like not to have you around. Maybe because you’ve always been around I tend to depend on you at times. You’re always the person I go to when I leave home and the only person who can knock some sense out of me. As much as I’m excited for you doing your practicum abroad, I really don’t want you to leave just yet. 

Well, you’re my bestfriend. And you also know that a lot of times, I get really cheesy. This song explains my friendship to you. PS. I’m sorry, it’s hannah montana. You know I’m a fan of Miley! Lol